I really want to believe in this. I really do.

Somehow, I'm beginning to recognise god's existence. But not in the christen way, I suppose, but in my own way. I don't know. I'm still trying to confirm that, I guess. Sigh... Life's confusing, huh? But that's what makes it worth while ;3

I just don't wanna look anymore. But why is it so hard? Tell me, why does it feel so bitter-sweet? Why can't it just be sweet all the way? Is this how it's meant to be? Crap. I really hate this, y'know? Why can't I back to how I was before? Because I do not want to. Crap.