"That's 'cause guys are more insensitive you see."

My fork froze in mid-air. It was true. What she had just said was so true. I stabbed at my chicken cruelly before stuffing it into my mouth.

"Yeah."

I talked to my plate.

"They are."

My head was bent low as I spooned to last spoonful of rice into my mouth. My bangs shadowed my eyes as I walked towards the sink and place the dirty culinary in the sink for washing.

Don't. don't start again.

I climbed the stairs, one heavy foot at a time but sped up as my mother called from the kitchen to ask me if I was alright. I shouted back a quick yes, suprised by how strong my voice was still. Covering the remaining distance to my room, I slammed the door shut behind me and flung myself onto the bed.

I suffocated myself with the pillow that night, as well as the memories of the last. Who knew that a simple text message could burn such a huge hole in my heart? Who knew that electronics of this age had that power? Who knew guys had that power?

Face streaked with tears and dirty with snot, I picked up my phone. With shaking fingers, I pushed the button to gain access to my inbox and tortured myself again.

"I know how you feel about me but you are no more then just a friend, at most a sister and we could never be more than that."

I closed my eyes and bit my lip against the fresh tears forming behind my eye lids.

"we could never be more than that."

-----

was inspired by what my mum said to me at lunch today. that was the first line. it was mother's day last sunday. one of my neighbour's son had just entered national service not long ago before that. he called up on mother's day and mumbled a happy mother's day. in the background, she could hear a a voice commanding the guys in the room,

"THOSE WHO HAVE HANDPHONE CALL NOW!! THOSE THAT DON'T HAVE BORROW FROM OTHERS OR USE THE PUBLIC PHONEEEEE!!!!

i did not know that sergeants were so human, y'know, to think about the guy's mums at home who are worried.

that was when my mum said that. sigh... really. it's just a different gender, a different name, a 'male' and a 'female'. i understand about the looks and the *ahem* uses but why so much on the sensitivity?

i'm not saying that the big guys should break down at touching and sappy scenes in the movies but sparing a thought or more wouldn't hurt, right? not that i'm being streotypical or anything, i know that there are guys that think like more emotionally but really. sometimes they are just too blunt.