"And it hurts you but you know that it's better"

It feels wet.

It's wet.

My hair stuck to me face in thick clumps and the fabric of my clothes clung to my body, hugging me so hard, not wanting to let go.

Wait. Wet?

I opened my eyes but closed them as soon as I did. I held up a hand to shield my eyes from the raindrops that were attempting to attack my eyeballs as soon as my eyelids lifted even just a crack. Oh. It's raining. I sat up carefully.

"You're awake."

A voice that stopped my heart. A voice that got my heart racing. Why? I looked around me, my wet locks flying everywhere as I did. He had dark, wet hair that was plastered to his forehead and his thin white shirt stuck to his own body, further accentuating the sexy curves and muscles that any guy would kill for. His eyes said something. He was hiding something. But I do not know what. Wait. Wait a minute. Who...

"Who are you?"

His eyes widened in surprise for a moment before a shadow fell over them. When he looked up again, I could not read his eyes anymore. What was it? What was it in there? Happiness? Relief? Frustration? Anger? Or was it...

Sorrow?

A small smile flickered across his face as he slowly held up a hand and ruffled my wet hair a little. He hesitated for a while before leaning in to plant a brief and gentle kiss on my forehead, which seared an invisible scar into the skin that his lips came into contact with. He released a sigh and stood up. Somehow, a pang echoed in my heart and I begin to panic a little. I clutched onto the back of his shirt, shaking my head profusely. No. No you can't go. You can't leave. Don't...

He gave a somewhat bitter laugh as he gently pried off my fingers but used a little more force as I clutched on tighter.

"No no Cass. This... this is for the best Cass. I..."

He took in a deeps breath and looked straight into my eyes as he said the next few words. As he said the next few words and killed me.

"... don't love you anymore."

... leave me.
-----

Let me tell you a secret: I'm scared of things that I do not know. I'm scared of what's coming up next in the next frame of the roll of film of my life. To me it's a blank space. But to others everything is rolling on the screen, everything can already be seen.

It's scary.

It's scary to not know what is right in front of you. It's scary to not be able to touch something that is right underneath your very nose. It's scary... It's scary to be so close, yet so far. It's scary to be left in the dark. It's scary to be in the dark.

Currently, I'm still sitting on the roller coaster of life. But it's so foggy up ahead that I can't see if it's a big drop, a rocky track, a smooth road or a great big hole. I can't see if there's someone to catch me if I fall.

I can't see if there's someone there to comfort me if I cry after all of the scary turn of events, after all the stress of the sudden, unmerciful twists and turns that make me cling onto my seat till my knuckles hurt. I can't even see if there's someone beside me to tell me that it's alright, just ride it out and all would be over before you know it. I can't see. I cannot see.

Recently, I've been dreaming that I'm blind. In these dreams, I felt scared. I felt insecure. I felt unsure. I felt... sad. Scared of everything around me. Insecure of the path I was treading. Unsure of the now invisible people talking to me. Sad that everybody and I would never be the same anymore. You know. It hurts.